sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize