put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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