i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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