You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
