Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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