I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
