Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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