Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize