Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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