just come out here and I will go home with you...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
