dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
