You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
