Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
