had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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