Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His nipple licking is glorious
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