Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
