I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize