So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I died a long time ago.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
