that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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