My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
