That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
