I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
