question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
