There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
