The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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