Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
