I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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