I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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