Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
