i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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