She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
