i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
