:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I lost the right to judge tonight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
