Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
