halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
