currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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