the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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