I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
