Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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