chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
