i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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