my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
