Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
