I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
