Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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