Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
