My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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