I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
