Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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