those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
