He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
