Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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