my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
