First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
