I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
