1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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