Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
