I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
