he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
