You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
