guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize