Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize