bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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