She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
