One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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