The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
