i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
