PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
