god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Say something about gay babies.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
