bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
