So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
